I listen to music… a lot. I am home for most of the day and with two kids under the age of seven, it’s the only way to keep my sanity. Like most people, I relate to a lot of different types of songs, but I recently found one in particular highly relatable to my child with ADHD. It was “The Middle,” by Jimmy Eat World. The song was released in 2001 and I must have listened to it thousands of times before, but it wasn’t until I became a mother and my child was diagnosed with ADHD that I felt as if I have said these exact words to my child:
“The Middle”
by Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves
When you’re away
[Chorus]:
It just takes some time
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
Hey, you know they’re all the same
You know you’re doing better on your own,
So don’t buy in
Live right now
Yea, just be yourself
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else
[Chorus]
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best
Do everything you can
And don’t you worry what their bitter hearts
Are going to say
[Chorus]
I cannot tell you how many times my child has told me she was “horrible” at something she tried for the first time or called herself “stupid” for simply getting one out of ten math problem wrong on a test. It’s all or nothing with her and she is incredibly hard on herself. She is scared of failing and as a result, she would rather not try a second time. Sometimes, she resists trying something a first time, because she fears failure and embarrassment. I tell her to “try your best” and if her best earns her a C on an assignment, I will honestly be just as happy as if it were an A. Children with ADHD have it so hard. They seriously have to focus all of their energy on doing just one simple task, like taking out their homework and giving it to the teacher for example. These are easy tasks for other kids to remember to do, but kids with ADHD tend to daydream and space out a lot. They don’t mean to, but this causes them to miss things. I don’t have ADHD myself, but my husband does and from the way he explains how his brain works, it amazes me that my daughter is able to get her work done at school with all of the classroom distractions and the way her mind wanders.
Sometimes, peers can be cruel. They will tease, bully, and exclude children with ADHD, because they are different. I admit, my child has a difficult time picking up social cues and can act immature for her age at times, which is common for children with ADHD. She can act a little odd and eccentric sometimes too, but man, do I love those things about her! She is never ever boring and I love how fiercely unique and spontaneous she is! I wouldn’t want her any other way, because that is who she truly is and that is what I love about her. Fortunately, she has always been true to herself and I hope she always will be.
Life is a roller coaster filled with ups and downs and right now, my child is in the process of learning how to use her ADHD to her advantage. This will take time of course and she knows this, because we talk about it often. She may only be six years old right now, but she is one smart cookie. She knows that having ADHD can make life challenging at times, but she also knows there are tools, people, and medications to help her. I know she is going to grow up to accomplish amazing things in life and her ADHD is going to help her succeed. In the meantime, she is “in the middle of the ride” and learning what works and what doesn’t work well for her. Some days will be good and some will be bad and that’s okay. It’s a learning process and I will be with her every step of the way. One thing is for sure: Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to be just fine.
What is your favorite song that reminds you of your ADHDer?