A Letter To My Child Without ADHD

Posted on Mar 16 2016 - 2:17am by My Little Villagers


To My Sweet Daughter,

You are only three years old and you are so incredibly independent and self sufficient. Instead of asking me to get you a cup of water, you get it yourself and you do it without spilling. In the morning, you don’t put up a fight when I tell you it is time to get dressed and go to school like your sister does. Instead, you get dressed all by yourself and are happy and excited to start the day. Thank you for always being my sunshine!

I love playing tag with you and I love playing store with you. You are so fun to be around and you have such a wild imagination! I wish I could play with you all the time and always give you my undivided attention, but your big sister needs me. Quite honestly, she needs me more than you do right now. She may be three years older than you, but she has ADHD and in some ways, that makes her different than you. Not worse. Not better. Just different.

As smart as your sister is, she needs me right next to her the entire time she is doing her homework. She needs me there to help keep her on task and focused. When she starts to have a meltdown because she is having a difficult time with her math, she needs me there to encourage her and help build her confidence. I know you want to be in the room with us, but your presence distracts your sister. Thank you for understanding that and for quietly playing outside the room so your sister can do her homework without any distractions. I know I let you watch TV or play on the iPad more than a child should in order to keep you busy and quiet while your sister is doing her homework. Although this is something I know you enjoy, you have no idea how bad and guilty that makes me feel. It should be me, your mother, playing with you and teaching you new things, but I haven’t quite mastered being in two places at once yet.

You must feel like Daddy and I spend more time with your sister than we do with you. The truth of the matter is we probably do, but it is not because we love her more or favor her over you. We love you both very, very much and we would go to the moon and back for you girls. You must know that. Sometimes, your sister just needs extra help, support, guidance, and love. This family is a team and I know you know this, because I see you helping your sister when you can. Thank you for complimenting your sister on her drawings and for telling your sister she looks pretty in her new outfit. Thank you for getting excited to see her when we pick her up from school and for giving her those great big bear hugs. Although your sister may act like she doesn’t appreciate it sometimes, I assure you she does. She needs you in her life, because you show her how she is admired and loved. When you become a mother, you will know just how much moments like those warm my heart.

Your sister has a very outgoing personality and can be a bit of a drama queen at times. She moves around when she isn’t supposed to, like when she gets off of her seat at restaurants and wants to run around the table. This causes her to be the center of attention a lot, which leaves you in the shadows. It’s no wonder you love your ballet class so much. It’s the one place you know for sure you will always be the center of attention and all eyes will be on you for a change.

Believe it or not, Mommy is not a parenting expert. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing a lot of the time. All I know is I don’t want you to feel like you are second. I want you and your sister to always feel like you are both first. I love you and I appreciate you. Mommy promises to try her best to show you that each and every day. Thank you for being my special little girl and for making our family and our lives complete. As small as you are, you are making such a positive influence in your sister’s life and I will forever be grateful for that.

All My Love,


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5 Comments so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. sarah March 24, 2016 at 3:52 AM - Reply

    Gosh this made me cry. I’m 2 years younger than my severely ADD brother.
    I could feel myself back at my desk in the hallway while my mom worked with my brother at the dining room table.See her pulling him into a shirt in the middle of the living room every morning and racing to finish a meal in the restaurant befor he hit his sit still limit.I even remember liking my short lived ballet classes for the same reason.

    My mother said the exact same things to me growing up. The same gratitude for being in a good mood and helpful and the same explination when I felt her absence.

    You put it into words “You must feel like Daddy and I spend more time with your sister than we do with you. The truth of the matter is we probably do, but it is not because we love her more or favor her over you. We love you both very, very much and we would go to the moon and back for you girls. You must know that”
    The truth of the matter is no matter how much you want to, neither of you can actually go to the moon. Wanting to has to be enough.
    I really hope knowing you want to be there is enough for your daughter. I wish I could say it was for me,

    I was lucky enough to have brothers 10 and 8 years older than me who went above and beyond the call, a loving church with an active youth program, and good friends with great families.

    I hope your daughter has that too. The village can take up the slack and fill in the gaps and she will love them for that.Best of luck to you and your family.

    • Cristina Margolis April 19, 2016 at 9:02 PM - Reply

      Thank you for sharing this with me. I really appreciate it.

  2. Karen H March 31, 2016 at 1:18 AM - Reply

    Christina Margolis – my daughter has an older brother by three years with ADHD – a mirror of the story about your daughters. I sent her your story – hoping she would better understand my view. She called me sobbing and said your story had such a healing impact – she has waited all her life to hear such words – and I thought she KNEW how much we loved her – she is 35 years old. I also led a volunteer satellite ADD support group for CHADD for about five years – and heard the same familiar story many times. Thank you for putting it so eloquently – and in such a beautiful way.

    -Karen H
    Commerce Twp., MI

    • Cristina Margolis April 13, 2016 at 4:18 PM - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Your comment meant a lot to me.

  3. Tami April 5, 2017 at 5:02 AM - Reply

    Thank you, still in tears, for being one of these and having one of these children.

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