As a mom, I have been to my fair share of children’s birthday parties. From Frozen to Ninjago and farm to fairy princess themed, I have pretty much seen it all. Something I have noticed at these parties is that there are always five different types of moms:
The Social Networking Mom
You will hardly ever see this mother’s face, because it will constantly be looking down at her phone. During the entire party, she will be texting and scrolling while sitting cross-legged in a chair, criss cross applesauce style on the floor, or learning against a wall. She isn’t completely silent though. She’ll let out a little laugh now and then. Once in a while, you might actually catch a quick glimpse of her dry eyes when she looks up, mainly because she thinks she heard her kid call her name. Have you ever noticed that all kids’ voices sound similar at parties when they call out “Mommy?” What’s up with that? It’s not that this mom is purposely trying to be rude or antisocial. She just has more important and interesting things to do on Facebook than mingle and participate with the human race face to face.
The Germophobe Mom
This is the mom that carries hand sanitizer everywhere she goes and applies it to every kid’s hand she sees at the party. She does this whether she gets their parents’ permission or not, because “she is just protecting the children.” She is also the mom who wipes down the table with travel size disinfectant wipes she carries around in her purse before the children sit down to eat. God forbid her child be exposed to any kind of germ! (By the way, her kid is the one who got four colds during the first two months of preschool since she was so meticulous about the no-germ policy.) At least this mom will socialize at the party and have an actual conversation with you, although somehow, the conversation usually ends up with you feeling like you have failed as a mother by giving your child a Happy Meal twice a month instead of making homemade organic smoothies for your child every night like she does.
The Competitive Mom
Good Lord, steer clear of this mom! This is the mom who will appear as though she is making friendly conversation with you about your child at first. The questions will begin innocently, such as “So what grade is your child in?” Before you realize who you are really conversing with and you try to make a mad dash for the bathroom just to get away, the questions quickly turn into, “You know, when my little Billy was your son’s age, he was already memorizing the Periodic Table. Can your son do that yet?” What the hell, lady. He’s five. He just mastered using a tissue instead of his sleeve to wipe his nose. Unless you are in the mood to play ten rounds of Who’s Kid Is Better, I would advise you to politely excuse yourself and walk away… or bring up the fact that her precious and perfect Billy is currently peeing in the punch bowl. Ten points to you!
The Controlling Mom (aka Momzilla)
Remember your friends joking with you the months leading up to your wedding about you turning into a bridezilla? Well, when you become a mom and are super controlling, you turn into a momzilla. The controlling mom always feels like she has to be… well, in control. You will find her doing small things at the party at first, like adjusting the napkins on the table to make them perfectly stacked up. Later, you will find her alphabetizing the goody bags by the children’s names and distributing them herself at the end of the party. She is also the mom who asks the hostess what time the cake will be served, which turns into her later announcing at said time that “It’s time to sing ‘Happy Birthday’,” leading the guests in the song, and insisting that she cuts and serves the cake herself. Don’t get me wrong. The controlling mom can actually be very helpful at parties, but there is a limit, lady!
The Genuinely Nice Mom
This is the mom we all know and love and most are ourselves. She is the mom who RSVP’s on time and asks the hostess what the birthday boy or girl would like for their birthday instead of just getting them a random Barbie doll or a toy car from Target. (She also includes the gift receipt with the gift.) She shows up on time and instead of taking over like the controlling mom does, she asks the hostess if she can help with anything. She takes pictures at the party while the hostess is busily preparing the food and games for the kids and gives the memory card to the hostess at the end of the party so she can upload them right away. I cannot tell you how truly appreciated that is as a parent, because as many of you know, making birthday memories for our children takes a lot of time and effort and unfortunately, the parents are behind the scenes making those memories happen instead of getting to see our children enjoying them. At the end of the party, the genuinely nice mom will offer to help clean up and get this… She actually follows through. I may have to change this genuinely nice mom’s title to saint!
So which mom are you, which mom do you loathe the most, and what other types of moms have you come across at parties?